Reader’s Question

I am a software professional. I am taking care of my family, but I always feel that nobody is understanding me at home. I always feel that I am taking care of my mom, brother, sister…but they feel that I have not done much for them.

I have discussed this issue with my friend, and he also didn’t understand me.

Now I feel there must be something wrong with me, but I don’t know how to change myself. I always feel alone. I am feeling that nobody is there for me, and sometimes I feel like committing suicide. I have enough guts to do that…but I don’t want to do so. I am matured enough to think about me. But everybody thinks that I am nothing and they always feel that I am not necessary for the family….

I don’t know what to do. When I discuss this with my friend, he also says that something is wrong with me…so just guide me please.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

There is something wrong here. It’s a stress-produced depressive disorder. When most people think of depression, they think of depression as a reaction to an event — the loss of a loved one, loss of job, romantic breakup, etc. In clinical practice, the most common type of depression is one produced by prolonged periods of high stress. Chronic illness in the family, high levels of responsibility (your situation), prolonged exposure to stressful environments (medical, combat, compassion fatigue), or a high-stress lifestyle are frequent causes. Even high levels of positive activity can produce a depression as we find in the frequent “melt-down” of celebrities who, at the height of their popularity, shave their head, start living in oxygen tents, get arrested, etc. High levels of responsibility and stress — positive or negative — can produce the same type of stress-produced depression.

You have all the clinical signs of depression — but here are a few more: low energy level, sleep/appetite problems, social withdrawal, loss of motivation, low self-esteem, social hypersensitivity, a feeling the family would be better without you, a sense that you are a poor son/brother, loss of efficiency at work, poor concentration/focus, preoccupation with past negative events, feelings of being unworthy, loss of confidence, crying spells, and thoughts of suicide. Don’t be surprised if you also start counting objects and develop physical symptoms.

This type of depression is very common in highly responsible adults. You’re taking care of the entire family — and they still want more. I’d recommend:

1. Read about depression. I have some articles on my website at www.drjoecarver.com and this website also has information on the topic.
2. Consult with a psychiatrist and if that’s not possible, a family physician. Depression is a very common situation and physicians are well-trained to treat it.
3. Counseling will also help you sort out your feelings. You’re probably confused right now — pressures from everyone around you. Counseling helps with these pressures and feelings.
4. Don’t do anything serious.

When depressed, our brain is full of uncomfortable, horrible, and depressive thoughts. With the use of an antidepressant medication — those will leave, but it takes several weeks. Don’t give up. Modern, safe, and effective treatment for depression is well-researched and available.