Reader’s Question

Hi! My name is Ursula, and I got married on 23 Jan 2007. This is a love marriage, so I am separated from my parents and have not seen them for three months. I keep thinking about them always and miss my family a lot. I am staying with my in-laws; they are very good, but when all meet together they all make fun of me — including my husband. Today when I got up in the morning, I found that my bed was wet because of me. It was really surprising because I am 25 now and for twenty years I have never done this. I didn’t get any feeling; it was only in the morning I realized that my bed was wet. Can you please let me know why this happened?

Thanks,
Ursula

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Dear Ursula… Bedwetting (nocturnal enuresis) is more common in adults than we think. About one in one hundred adults wet the bed at times. At your age, and with the information you have provided, your enuresis (bedwetting) is most likely related to stress.

While marriage, living with your new husband, and having a loving partner and group of in-laws are wonderful — it’s also very stressful. I can tell you are homesick, missing your family. I can also sense that you are trying to make a good impression on your in-laws and for that reason, you are taking comments too personally and much too seriously. It’s very common for in-laws to joke and tease with you as the new family member — it’s a way of welcoming you to the family. Making fun of people may be common in your new family — they make fun of everyone! Including your husband. Every family has a certain style of interacting with each other. After a while, you’ll find yourself making fun of them as well. In one of my early meetings with my father-in-law, one of his first comments to me — as a Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist — was “Do you know how to drive a nail?” This kind and loving family has been teasing and making fun of me ever since — always without negative meaning. If he asks me that now, however, my reply is “Yes, I can drive a nail, but I have to talk to it first!”

Your enuresis is a common sign of emotional distress and anxiety. You’ve been under a lot of stress since the marriage — getting married (very stressful by the way), moving away from family and being homesick, moving to live with in-laws, making a new relationship with each member of your husband’s family, and now being so stressed that you’re having physical symptoms.

I’d recommend more frequent contacts with your family by phone, mail, email, etc. With your in-laws — you need to talk more. I would imagine that you’re being very quiet around them, this making them feel they should tease with you to draw you into a conversation. Learn to chat with them. They may not realize the teasing is upsetting you. Exercise or calming activities would also be helpful. You can also do those things we do to limit bedwetting such as avoid liquids prior to bedtime. Right now, you’re going to bed with a head full of worries and anxieties. That’s most likely producing the bedwetting. As you become comfortable in the family and your marital lifestyle stabilizes — maybe living in a place of your own — the problem should disappear.

There is one additional possibility… Sexual excitement and activity can often produce a fluid release in females. This is not urine but it can be released in a quantity large enough to appear to be bedwetting. If sexual activity is followed by a very wet bed in the morning, this may be a possibility.