Reader’s Question

Hello, my name is Lily and I am a 15-year-old girl. For the most part, I have been fine this year, but last year was a very bad year for me. I felt very depressed all the time, and I would oversleep almost everyday and my grades started to drop. I was so indecisive about eating (what to eat), going out with family and friends, and so many more things. This made me more depressed because I could never decide and I would get upset with myself. For about two or more years I would cut myself very badly. I also tried to commit suicide and I would think of it on a couple of occasions.

Thank God, I don’t cut myself anymore. My main question is if this sounds like a certain illness to you. I never went to the doctor about it and I wouldn’t tell anyone in the family about my cutting situation. If it was an illness do you think it could come back sometime in the future and possibly be worse? Should I seek a doctor even though I have been fine this year? I’m not sure, but I think I might have had a panic attack during that time also. I was trying to write a letter to an ex-boyfriend in rehab, and I don’t remember why, but I got so frustrated with myself and I started crying a whole lot. I soon felt my chest cramping up and I felt a tight uncomfortable feeling. It felt like I was having a heart attack or something of that sort. I had a lot of trouble breathing too. Could this have been a panic attack?

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I really hope you reply back! I’m quite tired of regretting not going to a doctor, and I just don’t know if all of this is serious or not.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Lily, several problems are present here. First, you are showing signs of depression. While most adults have experience with depression due to job problems, money issues, etc., teenagers often don’t know what to do when they experience depression for the first time. As you discovered, depression has mental signs (sadness, poor concentration, crying, etc.) as well as physical signs (tired all the time, too much sleep, etc.). I’d recommend talking to your parents or a trusted adult about your depression. Hiding it only makes it worse. I would do this as soon as possible.

When you write your ex-boyfriend in rehab and have a panic attack — that’s not a good sign. We have emotions with our memories and having a panic attack when we write someone tells us that person was probably abusive and hurtful to us. It’s very possible that the stress of that relationship got your depression started in the first place. For this problem, I’d recommend seeking a counselor or therapist. If your ex-boyfriend was abusive or controlling, I’d read my article on Identifying Losers on this website.

When teenagers experience adult situations and problems, they often don’t know how to deal with them. With years of life experience, adults can often quickly identify an abusive, controlling, or “loser” individual. We’ve worked with them, known that type of person, and know others who have had problems with them. Teens often can’t spot them. Keep in mind, a Loser and Abuser often tells you to keep quiet and private about what happens in the relationship — that’s so no one will find out how badly you are being treated.

I’d work with your parents about seeing a doctor for your depression. I’d also recommend a counselor to help with your panic feelings and past experiences.