Reader’s Question

I am a 23-year-old male living in the Washington, D.C. area. I have noticed that in the past year or so that I have become extremely angry sometimes. I have always considered myself a happy person and have excelled at my customer service job, which requires me to be so — but I have moments where I get so angry at the drop of a dime. I take my verbal outrage out on my boyfriend, and he does not understand why I do so. I cannot keep living like this and not understanding why. I know that anger is a secondary emotion that usually covers up something deeper, but I am unable to figure it out. Do you know anything that could help me figure out why I am so angry all the time?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

It’s sometimes helpful to view anger outbursts like the TEMP gauge on your automobile. As the heat in our engine increases, the light starts to glow. When temperature rises sharply, the light comes on to warn you that your engine is overheating. An angry outburst is your light coming on.

Sometimes anger covers up depression, resentment, conflicts, etc. Other times, it’s the TEMP gauge that warns we are emotionally overheating with stress, pressure, responsibility, or even activity. It’s possible that your current life situation — even though very positive in terms of employment, career, partner, etc. — is so active that you’re developing stress. We often make the mistake of thinking stress is only related to negative events. In truth, a heavy schedule of positive activities is very stressful. This is why we have celebrities, at the top of their careers, who emotionally and/or socially melt-down. They turn to alcohol/drugs, shave their heads, begin living in oxygen tents, make horrible business decisions, etc.

Do a life review and I think you’ll find you have a tremendous amount of activities, responsibilities, and obligations that pressure you. If so, try to de-stress your life. There are a variety of stress-management suggestions on the Internet. Using the TEMP gauge as an analogy — when your engine/personality runs cooler, you’re not likely to see the light come on. If your light comes on frequently, you’re running too hot.