Reader’s Question

Why am I only happy when things go my way?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

This one question would require a book to answer fully. However, I’d start by saying that everyone would like for everything in their life to go their way. This is the preferred situation in life — that 100% of all things go their way. In real life, however, most folks realize that position is impossible so their happiness is based on a percentage of things going their way. In this way, the more our life is going in the direction we desire and the less stressors we have, the happier we are.

If you are only happy when things are going your way, your life will be very difficult — and unhappy. Your statement really means that I’m only happy when I control everything and everyone in my environment. Being a “controller” doesn’t work for anyone and eventually makes your life less under your control.

If you are having problems dealing with things not going your way, I would recommend counseling to deal with that position. It’s possible that you reached this position in life due to previous experiences. People often develop the all-or-nothing philosophy due to a life situation — family, marriage, etc. — and continue that position when it’s no longer appropriate. If your happiness depends on all things going your way, you’re in trouble. Rather, try to be happy when things are moving in your direction.

One way to think of happiness is as the degree to which our behaviors and life move toward our goals.