Reader’s Question

Wow I am not sure where to start. I have been going down a very destructive road as of recent, and I am not sure how to overcome it. Am I depressed? Well maybe… I have some serious dependency issues, I have a hard time believing that I am loved, I always am waiting for the other shoe to drop and I feel the love of a man is the point of me living. Silly isn’t it? I know it sounds silly to read it but this is exactly how I feel.

My father passed away when I was 16, lung cancer. But more importantly he was an alcoholic. Which I said I would never ever be!!! Well here I am at 30 years old and I find myself drinking a lot to kinda not feel anything? Which used to be kind of fun, but now it is just painful. I am NOT myself when I drink and I end up saying things I don’t mean; I am incredibly emotional. I can stop drinking and I truly wouldn’t care, which as of today I am sober, but where my concerns are is it seems like the older I get the harder things are getting…not easier!

I am really at a loss as to who to turn to or anything, or is it pretty normal to be going through this and I just need to suck it up and quit whining about it? Is there medication that I can take to just be more calm and not so self destructive? I am not sure but I do appreciate the time.

Thank you.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Based on your question, you seem to be suffering from a moderate depression. This type of depression is gradual onset (not a reaction to a single bad event) and amplifies any negative or suppressed issue in our personality. It will amplify your feelings of being abandoned (as you experienced at age 16 with your father), amplify self-destructive habits (drinking), and gradually overwhelm you. People who enter my office with your introduction — “Wow, I’m not sure where to start” — are overwhelmed. You have a sense of dread and anxious apprehension, feeling your world is coming apart at the seams. Again, this is depression and anxiety.

I would recommend consulting your family physician and/or a mental health professional. Read about depression on this website as well as an article I’ve written on my website at www.drjoecarver.com. A combination of antidepressant medication and counseling/therapy will work best in your situation. With the death of your father at 16, you’ll find that anytime you are depressed or stressed, you’ll have fears of abandonment and apprehension. That’s just the way the brain works. Check out my article on Emotional Memory for more information on how our past haunts us under stress. While your situation is very uncomfortable, it’s actually very common and very treatable.