Reader’s Question

What do you call a person that does everything someone else does? Like for instance, say I take a shower in the middle of the day my husband will do the same, if I take one in the morning he will do it too. One morning I made some bacon and toast, he did the same; I got an ice cream bar, a few minutes later he did the same. If I call a friend and talk on the phone, he will do the same and be loud so I can hear him. He always makes sure I am doing or have something he doesn’t — it’s an unhealthy competition. For example, I bought my youngest son some polo shirts; my husband went the next week and bought some, but had previously said he didn’t like them. It’s kind of spooky! My oldest son was wearing those puffy vests and my husband said he would be cold in something like that, then he went and bought 2! Could that show something is mentally wrong? I am serious about this!

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Is there something mentally wrong — probably not. Is this related to something — probably. This type of behavior may suggest a form of social immaturity and insecurity. We often see this at the teenage level of maturity as teens try to determine what is socially appropriate, sophisticated, etc. This is why teens often mimick their favorite actors, musicians, etc. If your husband has a long-standing pattern of this behavior — it’s likely the tip of the iceberg as far as his social skills. He’s likely to have a long history of perhaps social introversion, shyness, or socially odd behavior. He is looking to you for what is socially appropriate and may not trust his judgment.

If we think about it, this behavior is almost too immature to be considered competitive. In an odd manner, he’s trying to show you that he’s as “hip”, “cool”, “with it”, (insert slang phrase of the month) as you. He may be shy or insecure about exhibiting his own behaviors — yet he knows doing anything you do will be acceptable. In mental health, we often see this behavior in Asperger’s Disorder and individuals who may be very accomplished in their career yet are considered to be socially clumsy.

If this behavior suddenly surfaced in an individual who has previously been socially skilled, we may want to look for other symptoms or behaviors. Any dramatic change in personality or behavior may be the first sign of a medical or psychiatric concern. If this just appeared a few months ago and is getting worse, I would advise consultation with a mental health professional just to be safe.