Reader’s Question

I have known this man for almost 15 years. We have had a relationship for the past 5 months which ended Friday. He has been telling me that he is “clinically ” depressed and does things to push away the people he cares about. Is this a symptom of depression? Also he is very hostile one minute and the next he was the most loving man. He also spoke of suicide once or twice. What can I do to help him? He is on meds for it, but I never realized the depths. Thank you.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

People who are depressed gradually “fade away” from those around them — sweethearts, co-workers, friends, and family. They gradually talk less, show less emotion, socialize less, and contribute less. Sometimes they don’t push people away, they just stop contributing or maintaining relationships.

To help, I’d first study depression. This website has information on depression. I’ve also written some articles on depression on my website at www.drjoecarver.com. You can help by monitoring his condition at a distance. Have regular contacts with him, even though you may not get much in return. Cards, email, a phone call — that kind of thing. Also support and encourage his treatment program. The medications for depression are very important. If he’s not getting better, it may be the medications are at too low a dose. 85% of antidepressants are prescribed by family physicians and they often don’t increase the medications to their full potential. If he is seeing a psychiatrist, encourage him to discuss his medication response. Also encourage him to talk to his treating physician about his suicide thoughts. Lastly, you might want to encourage him to see a therapist/counselor as that improves his chances of a full recovery.