My Ability to Experience Emotions Has Left Me
Reader’s Question
I have a condition that has been plaguing me for six months now; I’m not sure if it’s a type of depression, but I’ve been told it might be (I have had major depression in the past, but nothing similar to this). I thought it also might be anhedonia. Basically, I woke up one day and my ability to experience emotions seems to have left me completely. I can smile, laugh, or even cry about something, but I don’t have the mental feelings to relate to the actions. I’m just completely numb and empty all the time. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever experienced, and the most frustrating — I have many reasons to feel happy, but simply can’t. I wouldn’t even mind feeling sad at this point, as long as I knew I could still feel. I’m afraid there’s something very wrong with me, and it’s scary and putting a strain on every area of my life. My boyfriend even worries I don’t love him anymore, as I have also worried, because I can’t feel happiness or love. I’m desperate to find out what this is and what I can do to help solve it; I want my life back, and to feel like myself again.
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
The most likely cause for your situation is depression. A depression is even more likely if you’ve had Major Depression in the past. Depression has a way of creating emotional numbness and inability to experience joy. We develop a similar attitude that says “Nothing matters”.
If it’s depression, you will have experienced a high stress level in recent months followed by changes in basic life patterns such as sleep, appetite, energy, sexual interest, motivation, and concentration. For some folks, they develop that deer-in-the-headlights reaction where they become overwhelmed to the point that the emotional system shuts down. If the depression is severe, you also develop the sense that while you don’t want to die, it wouldn’t matter much to you if you did.
I would return to your previous mental health professional and consider evaluation and treatment for depression. With treatment, you can get your life back again.
