Is There A Difference Between Being in Love with Someone and Loving Someone?
Reader’s Question
Is there a diffrence in being in love with someone and loving someone??? I say there is.
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
Some things in life are explained by an on-and-off switch…such as death and pregnancy. You either are…or you are not. There is no middle ground and no grey area. Other aspects of life are on a scale, and I feel “Love” falls into this category. I think there are may types of love — each defined by its ingredients. It’s like going to a Bean Soup cook-off. It’s all Bean Soup, but each bowl is different based on the ingredients in the mixture.
If we imagine Love on a scale, the bottom of the scale might be our “Love for all Mankind” — our belief that everyone should be happy and without misery. At the top of the scale is Overwhelming Passionate Love — that combination of romantic love, sexual passion, give-your-life-for-them love. Lets try this…Low End of the scale Up:
- Love for Mankind,
- Love/Fondness for people and things (“I love my new HD television!),
- Love/Fondness based on relationships such as relatives, in-laws,
- Love based on fond memories of earlier relationships such as old friends,
- Love based on personal experience and on-going relationships such as best friends,
- Love based on emotional intimacy and history,
- Love based on intense emotional bond as with children or parents,
- Romantic Love based on a history of emotional and sexual intimacy, and finally
- Overwhelming Passionate Love based on very active emotional and sexual intimacy as with a romantic partner.
I can also see a difference between loving someone and being in-love with someone. Loving someone can be viewed as a static, stable situation as when we love our parents, friends, etc. Being “in love” suggests an active process that is at the emotional forefront each day — typically progressing in a positive direction.
Just a few thoughts from an old romantic…
