Reader’s Question

Whenever I’m put into a situation where I have to talk to a teacher, guidance counsellor or principal on a one-on-one basis, whether I’m asking just a simple question, choosing my courses, being praised for doing a good job, or getting lectured for something, I start to tear. Just looking at the person talk in a ‘soothing tone’, whether I make eye contact or not, I cry. Regardless of if I was in an emotional state previously, or very calm, content and happy. It’s starting to get really embarassing by now, and I don’t know how to explain my problem to the people who trigger it. Also when I start to cry, I find it very hard to stop. I’d like to know if there’s a term that encompasses this type of condition, or maybe the cause of it, just some sort of answer. Thank you for your time.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

There’s no term for this situation, except maybe “soft hearted” as my mother would say. However, there are a few theories about why this happens to you.

• You could be under a lot of stress in your life, so much that you are barely keeping your sanity. These meetings then increase your feelings of stress to the point that your emotions spill out into the conference.
• My personal theory (psychologists have lots of them!) involves Emotional Memory. You are describing the “soothing tone” of the people in these meetings too well…as though you’ve had a significant meeting like this before. When we have a very emotional experience, good or bad, the brain memorizes everything about it — including the exact feeling we have at the time. From that point on, when the brain remembers the memory it also changes our mood to that original mood. This is why we often feel childish when we are around our childhood friends. You can read more about Emotional Memory on this website.

Here’s my theory… In your past you have had an experience very similar to these meetings that was very emotionally distressing. Someone sat you down and in a “soothing tone” gave you some horrible news. We often find this when parents tell their children about a divorce, death of a loved one, a relocation, etc. A Minister or some other professional may have told you something. Now, when you are faced with any situation that is similar, the brain produces that original emotional reaction — and the tears show up. It’s Emotional Memory. Imagine being severely bitten by a dog…from that point on, anytime you see or are near to a dog, you automatically become afraid. It’s Emotional Memory.

Counseling would be helpful in this situation.