Reader’s Question

My partner makes everything that has ever gone wrong in our relationship out to be my fault!!! One example was yesterday we spent hours looking for my horses who had gotten out. He complained this morning he was grumpy because he was stuck in the car with my son. I told him I didn’t realise that I thought it was because he was sick of looking for the horses (I thought this was a valid comment). His reply to me was it’s always gotta be something about you doesn’t it! I said no it does not and now we are in a huge fight, with him saying I twist everything to suit me and I make everything about me. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being manipulative like he thinks I am, and in the wrong? It’s sending me crazy.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

The situation you descibe is often found in several conditions. First, if this is new behavior, he’s likely under stress. Everyday stresses and responsibilities can create grumpy, aggravated, and irritated behavior.

If blaming you for everything that happens is his normal way of looking at situations — then you’ve got a problem. That’s a behavior we often find in individuals who have personality issues. Sadly, when we see that behavior, we often are viewing the tip of the iceberg as a lot of other behaviors often accompany it.

I’d recommend reading my article on “Identifying Losers in Relationships”. It provides you with warning signs of people who are controlling, abusive, and manipulative. You might also read a new article I’ve written on Personality Disorders in relationships.

If your partner has many of the “warning signs” or if I seem to be describing him in the articles, you’ll next need to decide if you want to live like that, as personality features are not likely to change.