Reader’s Question

I found your information about emotional memory while trying to understand why I weep uncontrollably when I talk to a mental health practitioner. I spent my entire life, from age four, in therapy (and having behaviors pathologized by my family — behaviors I now realize were normal childhood behaviors). I believe I have been traumatized by years of unnecessary and occasionally abusive therapy. My mother is a psychologist and my therapists were her friends and colleagues.

I read your advice to the person who cried when someone talked to her in a “soothing voice.” (March 12, 2008) His/her situation sounds similar to mine, so I was eager to hear your advice. You told that person that “counseling would be helpful in this situation.” Sadly, this advice doesn’t work for me.

How can I get counseling when my trauma is caused by and responds to counselors? In the past, therapists have become alarmed by my weeping and taken drastic measures, including hospitalizing me against my will. I am afraid to go to a therapist because I don’t want a panicked health care worker to lock me up against my will again. But I have relationship and career issues that could likely benefit from counseling. Am I just stuck dealing with my life issues on my own? (I tell myself that this is what people did before therapy existed, so I should be able to make it through just fine on my own, but I could sure use some better advice than I’ve gotten from generic self-help books.) Or is there some solution for a person like me who has been so deeply traumatized by those in the helping professions?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Counseling/Therapy can still be of help. It’s not uncommon for people to contact a therapist and explain that they have been traumatized by situations in their life. Some are traumatized by childhood abuse, combat experiences, physical/sexual assaults, etc. By explaining the issue over the phone, you’ll have a good idea if the therapist is comfortable with the nature of your trauma — being traumatized by the therapy/treatment. Also, when your mother is a psychologist and you have extensive emotional memory and trauma issues in that area, you may want to select a male therapist/counselor.

During that initial discussion, you can describe your past treatment experiences and how your “traumatic recollection” and emotional memory during counseling was misinterpreted. All therapists and counselors should understand that experience as we don’t hospitalize individuals who become upset discussing their past trauma. We understand that’s part of the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or trauma reaction. If the therapist/counselor seems to be a good fit for you, the next step is a consultation. Be sure to tell the professional that your mother is a psychologist if you are obtaining treatment in her area of practice. This avoids the ethical issue of “dual relationships”.

In the first session/consultation, you may want to agree upon an “overload indicator” — a physical gesture that tells the therapist that you’re becoming very upset. A time-out signal used by a referee is often used. That will allow you to take emotional breaks as needed during the session.

Remember that Emotional Memory looks for connections, and your prior treatment professionals were connected to your mother — both by profession and by social relationship. View the new therapist as a nonconnected individual — mentally viewing him/her as “they’re from Cincinnati” (or wherever) rather than making an association with your mother.

I think you’ll find that by preparing the therapist/counselor, you won’t have the experiences you’ve had in the past. That preparation also tells the professional that issues of emotional memory will be present, preventing the emotions from complicating the treatment session. It’s like telling a dentist that you are needle/dental phobic…allowing them to take that into consideration as they provide their treatment.

Preparing yourself by addressing the emotional memory issues prior to treatment will also be of help. That mental processing is actually part of treating emotional memories as I discuss in my article on Emotional Memory.