Should My Daughter Call My New Husband Daddy?
Reader’s Question
Isn’t it natural for a child who has lived with his mom and stepfather since she was a-year-old to call the stepfather “Daddy”? (My ex husband and I were legally separated before my daughter was born and then divorced.) My daughter calls my husband Daddy and her biological father Daddy. She sees her father about once every 6 weeks or so as he lives in a different state. We have never told her to call my husband Daddy. She just does. We have never told her she couldn’t or never corrected her because it was her choice to do so, so I thought that she should be able to. My stepchildren live with us as well and naturally they call him Dad. My daughter first called him by his name, then it was Daddy ” his name” and now just Daddy. My ex husband has a big problem with it. I have told him time and again that I never told her to call him Daddy (and neither has my husband) and that she just does. My husband loves her like his own flesh and blood. We now have a new baby together as well that will call him Daddy, obviously. How can my ex expect my daughter to not call my husband Daddy? I would think that that shows how she feels love from him and loves him as well. It is a good thing. Telling her she can’t call him Daddy now would be confusing and make her feel like she wasn’t the same as her baby sister and her stepbrothers and stepsister. She still calls my ex husband Daddy and tells me how lucky she is because she has 2 daddies and how some kids don’t even have one. I always agree with her and tell her she is right. She has two Daddies who love her very much.
Just wondering if I am right in thinking that this is a natural thing for my daughter to do and that it isn’t “wrong” as my ex thinks it is.
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
It is totally natural for your daughter to call your current husband Daddy. It’s also very healthy to acknowledge that she has two Dads and that both love her very much. It actually sounds like your daughter is more mature about the situation than your ex-husband. Your ex is totally incorrect in this situation and is clearly thinking about his jealous needs and reactions rather than the long-term emotional health of his daughter. As you articulately describe, children who are told not to call their stepfather “Daddy”, especially when other children in the home use Daddy, quickly develop a sense of alienation and differentness in the home. Obeying that order from the ex makes him feel better once every six weeks — but creates daily distress for the child living in the home. Children love normally and naturally, using affectionate names for those they love.
In blended families, younger children naturally call their stepparent Daddy or Mommy.
