Reader’s Question

My son’s dad moved across the street from us recently. He tried to buy glasses for my son to match his. Then he bought a winter coat to match my son’s coat. Now he dyed his hair to be the same color as my son’s. Is that odd? Should I be worried about this?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Yes, it’s odd. Should you be worried? Probably not. Normally children try to dress and act like their parent in an attempt to gain their attention and bond in the relationship. This situation is the opposite — the father is trying to develop a relationship with his son by showing him they have similar interests, preferences in clothing, and even hairstyle.

Your concern is valid because this is unusual behavior in an adult male. This behavior suggests social immaturity, poor parenting skills, or an odd personality. When we see this type of behavior, there are usually other odd, eccentric and unusual behaviors as well. These odd behaviors are probably the first of many to come. If these behaviors become bizarre or inappropriate, you may need to have an adult-to-adult conversation with him, discussing the boundaries and restrictions you expect him to follow due to your status as the custodial parent. The boundaries and restrictions you use should be related to the age of the child, with younger children requiring more protection. Older children may actually be embarrassed by his behavior.

You can also structure your son’s contact with Dad across the street. It sounds like the Dad across the street wants to contribute to his son’s upbringing. You can organize his contribution by asking if he wants to help with school clothes, school materials, pictures, etc. In this way, you are providing him a positive and normal way of forming a relationship with his son — something other than dying his hair red and wearing it in a mohawk.