Reader’s Question

Growing up I was abused physically, sexually, emotionally and psychologically. I was lucky to come out with my humanity still intact, but I did. But I seem to be caught in some strange limbo, somewhere in between being human and being a monster. I’m totally in control of myself, but I see things from a strange perspective. I could kill and walk away without thinking about it, as long as I had no other choice. I would feel guilty if they were innocent or undeserving, but otherwise, I have no problem with it. It’s very strange. I show signs of OCD, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, Autism, and Antisocial Disorder. However, none of them are dominant traits. I do not need any medication for any of them and am able to be a part of society without any problems.

Also, I was wondering if my mental state might be because of my level of intelligence. I have an IQ of around 160. I’m also an excellent artist. I can sketch incredibly well, and I also write very good poetry. I have won many a contest. I had college level reading comprehension at the age of 7. Geniuses are notoriously unstable — as are artists. I’m beginning to wonder if the lines between insanity and genius are nil, if it’s just how you use it.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Your symptoms are most likely related to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). You are describing “emotional numbing”, a classic characteristic of PTSD. Emotional numbing is a survival mechanism that develops when we are confronted with prolonged abuse or trauma, producing symptoms of:

• restricted emotional expression,
• a sense of detachment or distance from others,
• difficulties in experiencing positive emotions, and
• a loss of interest in activities.

Prolonged exposure to an abusive or traumatic environment also produces thousands of traumatic emotion-laden Emotional Memories. Even when years have passed since the trauma, daily events still trigger those Emotional Memories, producing very unusual feelings and even behaviors that make us think we have a variety of psychiatric disorders.

Higher intelligence typically produces improved mental stability and social functioning — not insanity. Individuals with high intellectual ability are often successful and well-known in their community. When they have psychiatric difficulties, it’s very public and obvious to those around them, producing sayings related to genius and insanity. On a positive note, that same higher intelligence increases the chances for clinical improvement through treatment.

Without question, your childhood was very traumatic and different. While you survived, you may still be using those childhood survival strategies and mechanisms that are no longer needed, producing the emotional numbness and other symptoms. I would consider psychotherapy, where your higher intelligence and creativity will actually improve the treatment process. You’ve survived your past. It’s time to improve your functioning in the present and return you to a normal range of emotions.