What Can I Do to Prove My Love?
Reader’s Question
I’ve been dating a girl for 3 years. We recently broke up because I got really smashed and kissed another girl. I have never thought or even dreamed of cheating on her, but it happened. I don’t really drink that much either. I told her that I’m sorry for everything. We still live together, but I’m getting my own place so I can give her time to heal and think. We split up once before because I was getting things in order with the mom of my daughter. We got back together a month later. We both agreed that this is the best relationship we both have ever had. We love spending time together, and I also love her 2 kids very much. During this separation, I’m going to seek help and change my life for my little girl and for myself. I have never met a girl I wanted to marry until I met her. She changed my life completely. She is 30, and I’m 29. Do you think this relationship is worth saving? More importantly, what can I do to prove to her that I really want to make this work and we should give it one more try? She has said that when we separate she still wants to keep in contact with me and doesn’t want to cut me out of her life because I’ve been there for her kids whose dad has been in prison for 8 years. They all mean the world to me. Please help.
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
There’s a lot you can do. And doing is the key word. Loving is far more about doing than feeling. Actions speak much louder that sentiments or words. If you really want to change your life and to have a meaningful relationship with someone, there’s a lot you can do. And it will require a commitment beyond just feeling the urge to do something when you’re on the verge of losing something you want. Counseling, especially the right kind of character development counseling, can play a helpful role if you’re serious about this quest. But the bigger issue is being true to yourself about the need to develop yourself to the point that you’re really ready to reign in some of the irresponsible behaviors you’ve displayed in the past and commit yourself to developing a lasting, healthy, meaningful and intimate relationship with the person you love.
