Reader’s Question

I have a friend who I think is in trouble but refuses to get help. He is a college student and seems to be heading further and further downhill everyday. On the outside he can wear a smile and look okay but he really isn’t. He doesn’t seem to care about anything and will not let anybody in. He has attempted suicide recently and at times in the past. He experienced a trauma when he was younger, and I think it is still affecting him to this day. Is there a way to convince him to seek help?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Individuals who are struggling with depression and other mental health issues often find it difficult to trust. They also have difficulty achieving a sense of balance between needing the support of others and needing to have some sense of control in their lives. Supporting your friend will require a degree of tact, but here are some things you can do.

First, although it seems trite, be there for them emotionally. Don’t intrude, but be available. It’s important that they have a shoulder when they want and need it.

Second, let them know that it’s okay for them to feel the way they do right now and that you’re okay with it too.

Third, to the best of your ability be encouraging and hopeful. When people are depressed, they’re not their real selves. When you interact with them, do your best to display the hope that they will eventually feel better and encourage even their smallest efforts to engage in even routine or mundane acts of daily living.

Fourth, take care of yourself. You can’t be emotionally available to someone in need if you’re drained yourself. Keeping your own balance will help you not get too frustrated in your efforts to help your friend.

Lastly, offer words of reinforcement and encouragement for any and all efforts by your friend to seek and to abide by therapeutic guidance. You can’t force the issue, but you can be encouraging, hopeful, and supportive.

Helping a friend you think is depressed is not an easy task. Commend yourself for the undertaking and be at peace with the limits of your power to make things happen.