Reader’s Question

I’m a 17-year-old female and have an unusual question. Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a little girl. Being a little girl and wearing diapers and pull-ups especially interested me. They made me feel very safe and secure in a way. I have heard that people say this is a fetish. I don’t feel sexually aroused when I wear one, and even when I was actually little I did not. So is this a fetish for me, or is it just something else? Whenever I act like a little girl I pretend I have a different father and he holds me. I have tried to lose weight in the past so I could look more like a little girl, and I was diagnosed with anorexia. I have this yearning to be a little girl and feel loved by a different father. I see different men that I know, and I muse that they would be great fathers and wish they were my father — but it is nothing sexual at all! What is going on?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

The word “fetish” derives from the French word “fetiche,” which has its roots in Latin and Portuguese words meaning “artificial” and “to make.” Literally, the word means to make something artificial have other qualities or powers.

Sexual fetishism is by far the most common type of fetish. Strictly speaking, it involves deriving sexual pleasure from or experiencing sexual arousal in response to an inanimate object. Many times the term fetish is applied to a person’s fascination with a body part (e.g., “foot fetish”), but this is technically inaccurate because a living body part is not an inanimate object. (The correct term is actually “partialism”).

Mystical or religious fetishism involves ascribing magical or special powers to an inanimate object and is common in some religious cults which ascribe power to certain statues, icons, and monuments.

Ascribing the power to feel safe and secure to any inanimate object might be regarded as a fetish of sorts, although not necessarily a sexual one. Engaging in fantasy as a way of satisfying a certain emotional need is also not that uncommon, even if it involves specific actions or rituals. Such fantasies do have the potential, however to become problematic, especially when they become obsessive in nature, and consume much time and energy and interfere with a person’s ability to function well in other areas of life or get their emotional needs met in other, more adaptive ways.

Sometimes fantasies have a recurring theme that reflects a pressing but unmet emotional need. If a person has a deep-seated emotional need that has not been met, the chances are good that some other important emotional issues and conflicts also exist. It’s probably a good idea to talk such issues out with a counselor, who can help you sort out what those issues are and what the healthiest ways might be to get your needs met.