Reader’s Question

I am now 40 years old and have a terrible habit of leaving jobs once I get discouraged by being bored with the work. I usually lie and say I got another job even though I’m also bad about finding other work. So by the time I realize I’ve made a mistake by leaving a secure situation, I’m too embarrassed to go back. This is also why I rarely keep in touch with colleagues as most of them are far ahead of me in establishing a stable career. I guess ex-bosses wouldn’t be too glad to hear from me either.

Now I’ve just left another good job and things aren’t going too well for me generally, especially at this age. It was so stupid to leave, and now I’m even more bored out of my mind. Worse than that, my credibility’s shot in the job market and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get decent work again. It’s been 5 months now since I’ve been employed and my morale’s at its lowest. It’s so hard just to face a new day.

I know 40-year-olds should be more mature, but living alone and having no commitments is part of the reason, I think. I wish I could start an enterprise of my own, but I haven’t the confidence to do so. Please advise me on how I might try to get out of this one.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Intolerance of boredom is a red flag for several things. It can be a sign of character disturbance. But you are expressing high awareness of and discomfort with the situation, which is not congruent with character disturbance. So, there are likely to be other “dynamics” at work.

Intolerance of boredom and easy boredom, especially with the insufficiently challenging or mundane, is also a sign of possible ADD/ADHD. Although commonly thought of as a childhood disorder, many adults have it. Also, contrary to popular opinion, it does not commonly simply go away with advancing age.

You mentioned wanting to embark on an enterprise of your own but lacking the confidence. It’s hard to have confidence when you don’t have at least some experience under your belt doing what you now fear to do. Besides, it may also be that your lack of confidence is related to deep-seated awareness of the dynamics you still have to resolve in order to be more successful.

You also mentioned being alone and without commitments. Feeling the need to be motivated by an external source such as a love interest or a family can be a “dynamic” in itself that can fuel self-defeating patterns.

It sure sounds like it would be a good idea to secure some counseling that would not only include an evaluation of all the possible contributing dynamics to your problem (including screening for ADD/ADHD) but also some aptitude and career counseling. Some people experience “boredom” when they are insufficiently challenged by the kind of work they are doing and because they haven’t yet found their true occupational “niche.”

Commend yourself for being aware and use your unhappiness with your present situation and pattern of self-defeat to motivate you to explore all of the psychological dynamics holding you back.