Reader’s Question

I have always known that I was different but haven’t been able to figure out exactly why.

When I was in kindergarten, I wasn’t interested in other children. And even during the times I was interested, I didn’t know how to play with them. I also had some motor skills problems, so I wasn’t very good at sports. I started to talk at 13 months, and walk at 15. I have some stereotyped movements, especially with my hands. I like to flex them and my wrists.

I have a talent for music, started to sing at age two, play various instruments, and have fingers perfect for the violin. I am also talented in languages and can learn a new language and speak it well with ease. I speak 4 languages fluently and 5 a little. In school I’ve been bullied because of my differences. Even if I wanted to “fit in” more, I don’t know how to take care of myself very well. I can’t wash my hair properly or tie my shoelaces very well, even at age 18. I can’t really read body language but have learned how to look people in the eyes. Sometimes this appears to others like I’m staring and they ask what I’m looking at, which gets on my nerves. So, I often look downward.

I have mood swings and I also have behaviors that are a lot like OCD. I see patterns in all things and I am hypersensitive sometimes. Some noises, smells, touch, light etc., might really bother me when others are not bothersome at all. It’s hard for me to look and listen at the same time. One time, the sun was blinding me and I couldn’t hear what my friend was saying at the same time. I get really obsessive and can’t stand changes or things that I’m not prepared for in advance. Without structure I get easily confused. It’s hard for me to put myself in someone else’s shoes. It’s hard for me to imagine how differently most people think and feel, and this makes it seem like I lack empathy.

People tell me that I am often inappropriate and lack empathy. When I was reading about it, I agree with them. My sister is a special educator, and she works at school with special needs children. She thinks I could have a mild version of autism. She has worked with two autistic children and now she is working with an Asperger’s boy. She says he is a lot like me!

I have learned many techniques to help me function in life, but I still know that I am different. What I want to know is just what my condition is. My social problems have affected me the most, and I’m actually homeschooling temporarily. I’ll be going back to school in September, and I’d like to be able to adjust better.

When I was reading about Asperger’s I found myself in almost all symptoms (not all of them, but almost all, because no one can have all of the symptoms). I definitely have the ones about social communication and interaction difficulty and obsession for rigid routines, but I also have problems with coordination. What do you think I have, and what should I do about it?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Mental health professionals have come to recognize that there is a vast “spectrum” of developmental delays and irregularities and that only rarely does an individual fit neatly into a category of a specific developmental “disorder.” So, it’s highly unlikely that we could make a reliable diagnostic call even on the basis of the information you’ve provided.

I have posted several articles dealing with the topic of developmental delays, such as:

• Have I Grown Out of Asperger’s Disorder?
• I Think I Have Some Kind of Disorder
• Links Between Asperger’s and Photophobia

[Editor's Note: You can also see a list of all Ask the Psychologist posts on a given topic by clicking on the list of popular topics in the sidebar. For example, you can find all the posts on Autistic Spectrum disorders.]

But the bottom line on understanding and intervening with developmental irregularities is that everyone is unique, and only a comprehensive evaluation by a team of trained professionals can provide you with the answers you seek. Not only is the “spectrum” of developmental irregularities rather wide, but also developmental delay can co-occur with other syndromes, making each case unique indeed. So, while many of the things you report are in fact common in Asperger’s, just what’s going on with you might in fact be more complicated than simply applying that diagnostic “label.”

Another reason to seek out comprehensive evaluation is that there is a wide variety of helpful intervention strategies available these days, many of which weren’t available as recently as ten years ago. You indicate that you have learned some compensatory strategies of your own. Guidance from specially trained professionals can help you acquire and learn even more skills.