My Dad’s New Girlfriend Is Taking Him Away
Reader’s Question
How do I handle not liking my father’s girlfriend? Since she moved in with him she’s gotten rid of all my mother’s things. They sold them and remodeled the house. Now it seems that the only family important to them is hers. They only invite us for Christmas, and I have to call before I visit, whereas I always felt free to simply drop in before. This woman is verbally mean to my children, too. I have told my dad in private, but then he made all these changes to exclude me. My dad and this woman have no plans of getting married. She is also a widow who would lose her benefits, and that is why she told my dad she doesn’t want to marry him.
I’m upset. Not only have I lost my mom, but now I feel like I have lost my dad, too.
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
Your feelings are understandable. But it would be a mistake place all of your upset solely on this woman. Your father participated in getting rid of things that may have held sentimental value for you. From what you say, he also didn’t appear to respond with understanding when you brought some matters to him.
You have lost some dear things. And you are understandably grieving and upset. But your other unresolved issues lie with your father. It might take a lot of tact as well as time, and you might not be able to resolve things, but it would be a mistake to simply vilify this woman. To do so might only enhance the “Romeo and Juliet Effect” that already seems to have taken hold.
