Reader’s Question

I feel a great hate for myself, my life and the people around me. I feel like a failure, useless and lonely.

I’m 22 years old and have felt this way since I was 17. I entered a relationship when I was 17 which only lasted a few months. It was my first relationship, and although I knew I broke it off for the best, I’ve been living with a feeling of guilt ever since. The relationship would not have been a healthy one as we both had differences that we were not willing to leave aside. Ever since the break-up, I have felt down. I’m not confident in anything I do and always under-estimate myself and put myself down even in front of others. I have not been able to focus on another relationship and don’t trust or share feelings with anyone. I have even tried committing suicide several times. I’m desperate for my misery to end. Please help me.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You report many of the symptoms of depression. Depression can be triggered by stressful events such as the dissolution of a relationship but is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain’s biochemistry. It’s more than just feeling bad about an unfortunate circumstance, and feelings of self-hate, failure, uselessness, excessive guilt, as well as thoughts and acts of self-harm are telltale signs of the disease.

Fortunately, there are effective treatments available, and help is as near as any qualified mental health professional. Sometimes, medication alone is sufficient, but most often medication combined with certain kinds of talk therapy is indicated.

Long before you make your first appointment, you can begin the process of recognizing and changing the kinds of thoughts that frequently accompany a depression. It’s very common for individuals who are depressed to think things like “I’m no good,” or I’m a failure,” or “I’ll never have a relationship again.” It’s also common for individuals who haven’t been able to deal with all the anger and rage that sometimes accompanies depression to direct much anger inward and to use “extreme” language like “great hate,” “useless,” and “desperate” when thinking or talking about their plight. Challenging and replacing these thoughts can help get you back on the road to normality. The great news is that you don’t even have to believe the alternate thoughts you say to yourself at first, you simply need to change the negative thoughts to more positive ones. In time, you’ll find yourself believing in yourself again.

So don’t delay. Seek the help you need and start challenging the negative thoughts that are the result of a clinical condition. It may take some time, but you can reclaim your life.