Reader’s Question

I’m only 23 years old, and I’m already fed up with life. I’m a university graduate, have been working for 2 years and earn quite a good wage. At times my job is challenging, but at other times it’s slow and bit boring. I started reading for another degree in my free time, just to have something to do, and that is going well.

I had a close friend up to some time ago, but he’s now in a relationship so we drifted apart. I have a number of other friends though, and I go out quite often. I’m a bit shy to ask people to go out with them if I’m not invited, so I’ve gotten used to going out alone, grabbing something to eat, shopping or just swimming and sunbathing. When I’m out alone, I know I will bother no one.

I’m still fed up with life. I always feel I’m not good enough. At home I’m not a favourite. With guys I’m not a success, even though I am average to good looking. I don’t like my character, and I don’t blame people for not really liking me. I’ve tried being nice, and I think I’m quite a caring and outgoing person, however it’s like it’s not enough.

I had a long term relationship, and things started going downhill after I broke it up. I don’t miss my ex-boyfriend, but I miss having a special someone in my life very much.

Can you give me some tips or hints? I’m totally lost.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

While it’s not possible to give complete or accurate feedback with only the information you have given, there are some definite possibilities for you to consider.

You report a lack of interest and a diminished capacity to find joy in things, which can be one of the main signs of a clinical depression. We’re not talking about mere upset over things that have gone badly, but rather a diminished capacity to experience joy as a result of an imbalance in brain chemistry.

Some individuals who are prone to chronic, moderate levels of depression develop personalities that some professionals label “negativistic” or “depressive.” Such individuals tend to be overly self-critical, to overly focus on the negative, and to anticipate emptiness or disappointment in life. Interestingly, such individuals can also experience remarkable changes in their personalities once they are effectively treated for their depressive tendencies.

So, the best advice would be to visit a doctor or therapist and be evaluated for depression. Even before doing so you might want to take notice of some of the negative thoughts you have (e.g., “I don’t like my character”, “totally lost”) and modify them so as not to feed into “depressive thinking.”