Anxiety Symptoms and Depersonalization: Feeling Like I’m Going Insane
Reader’s Question
I am 16 years old. I’ve always dealt with some level of anxiety, but it used to manageable. Then some time around Christmas last year, I experienced the symptom of depersonalization for the first time. I felt very out of it for a long time after that. I thought I was literally going crazy, and I was having a hard time grasping reality. I knew things were happening, but they didn’t seem real. I went to a psychologist for awhile to talk about anxiety, and that seemed to help some. After awhile the depersonalization feeling went away, but I always had it stuck in my head that things were never going to be the same — like I was somehow ‘mentally’ ruined forever, like there was no way things could go back to normal. For awhile, I kind of just forgot about it, but then recently it’s like it was triggered again full-force. I haven’t had anxiety attacks in a long time, but suddenly everything is worse than it was before. Honestly, there’s nothing really traumatic that set it off. I don’t have that weird out of body experience like I did before with the depersonalization, but all of a sudden I just think I’m going crazy.
I feel like nothing will ever be the same again, and that I’m stuck like this forever. And I don’t want to be. The thought of medication is like admitting that I really am crazy. I just want to be normal like everyone else and just completely forget that I’d ever had that feeling of depersonalization. So what’s wrong? What can I do to stop this?
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
When anxiety becomes intense, unusual symptoms like depersonalization, derealization, feelings of unreality, and fears of going insane can occur. With good psychological treatment for anxiety, the symptoms can diminish over time. Usually, however, that doesn’t mean that they simply vanish one day forever. Rather, sometimes there is a “spontaneous recovery” of symptoms. And the symptoms don’t necessarily have to be triggered by anything. They simply come back from time to time because once an anxiety response is “learned,” it’s impossible to simply erase it altogether.
The good news is that with repeated practice of the techniques you’ve learned, your symptoms will progressively lessen in intensity and frequency to a point where they are barely noticeable or not noticeable at all. Whenever they do re-appear, it will “seem” like they’re back full-force, but a more objective appraisal would reveal otherwise. It’s important not to succumb to the temptation to view temporary “setbacks” as an indication that life will never be good again. In fact, with continued consistent practice of your techniques, in time your anxiety management skills should be better than ever and your quality of life better than before. So, take the secure thought that these anxiety “relapses” are par for the course, and stay committed to your therapeutic regimen.
