Reader’s Question

I have a 31-year-old son who is going through a very rough time. I would like some strategies on how I can help him.

It wasn’t until my son was 25 that we found out he has NVLD (i.e., nonverbal learning disability). In the last couple of months he managed to find a girlfriend and break up with her, too. She was only 19. He really enjoyed his time with her because she provided the social network which he so much desires but cannot seem to get. He has no friends his own age. He is currently still socializing with this younger group that this girl introduced him too. He is really reeling from emotions that he can’t understand. He keeps saying I feel I have too much energy and I feel high, but he doesn’t do drugs. He also says he doesn’t enjoy what he used to enjoy. He also lost his job at a grocery store for chronic lateness. And too many driving convictions have cost him his license for 30 days.

What can I do?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

None of the things you describe clearly indicate that NVLD adequately explains the difficulties your son is having. Your son is a grown, middle-aged adult. And, while it’s possible that some of the conjectures you’ve made about why he’s behaving the way he is have some merit, it’s also possible that at least some of his problems are not related to NVLD or developmental delays but to a lack of responsibility and character formation, which only he has the power to correct. If this is the case, then you have to be careful not to put too much energy into “helping” him, because that would make it even more unlikely that he’ll develop the necessary motivation to change.

Some of your son’s problems very well might be due to other psychological factors (problems other than NVLD or character immaturity), and your son is likely to need professional help. But it would first be a good idea for him to have a comprehensive psychological evaluation to determine just what the causes for his dysfunction are. Some of the things he complains of suggest a possible disturbance of mood. But only a thorough evaluation can determine what the nature and extent of any psychological problems and what types of intervention are indicated.