Reader’s Question

I am writing to get some advice about my Mom. She is a very big-hearted woman, but she has some really serious psychological issues and really needs help.

My mom is absolutely terrified of being judged. She has very high anxiety and stress, and over the last 2 years she has “lost her voice” and has a hard time speaking without her voice shaking. Her anxiety causes her to speak in an unnatural tone (high pitch and from her throat) as though the little girl in her is trying to get out. She is physically healthy, but I think she is emotionally broken and lives in fear all the time, although she would never admit it. She is on anti-depressant and anti-stress medication.

Because she is terrified of other people and so sensitive to what others might think of her, the mere mention of psychotherapy puts her into a spin. She really wants to improve, but her subconscious simply won’t let her make a move. I can’t even get her into a yoga class (which I think would help) because she is so scared of what other people will think of her.

I am at my wits’ end. Any advice on how to help her?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

There is ample evidence arguing against merely prescribing antidepressant or anxiolytic (anxiety-reducing) medication without also securing psychological counseling of some sort. Most people overcome their fears and insecurities much better when they participate in a regimen that includes both medication and therapy. But fear of embarrassment, fear of possible disapproval, and difficulty trusting prevent many individuals who really need counseling from seeking it.

One way to help overcome the fears that get in the way of a person receiving needed assistance is to find and become part of a support group. Once a person realizes that they are not alone in struggling with their issues, it’s easier to get past the sense of being undesirably different. A group can give a person not only a sense of belonging but also a much needed chance to develop social interaction skills and, in the process, overcome their social anxiety.

Sometimes individuals struggling with various social anxieties need time to gradually and systematically approach the kinds of situations they fear. So, to help your mom get used to the idea of being a part of a group, start by encouraging her to attend a function with only supportive family and friends and then slowly and carefully encourage her to take steps toward becoming engaged in potentially more “risky” social involvements. Make sure to recognize and reinforce her for her efforts. In time, she’ll become more comfortable in these situation and might be more receptive to participating in either group-based or individual therapy.