Reader’s Question

I’m contacting you because I need some advice. I’m 14 years old, and I have problems with my mom 24/7.

Instead of playing the blame game, let me tell you how things got started. Last year, I sneaked out of my house to go to a night club and got caught. This year, I got caught smoking. Now, there is no trust. My mom is constantly following me and checking on what I’m doing. I am always fighting and quarrelling with her, and we yell at each other until one of us starts crying.

I feel bad about things, but what can I do? I can’t go to friends’ houses because the parents aren’t there, and I can’t see friends during the week. In fact, I can’t go anywhere if my mom doesn’t know who I’m with, where I am and why I’m going. It’s soooo annoying!

I started a diet, and my mom forces me to eat because she is afraid I’ll get Anorexia! My dad is worse. He keeps watch on my private life by looking at my text messages and e-mails. I don’t quarrel with him because I know I would end up with slaps to my face. Thankfully, he is often away travelling.

My mom wants me to go see a psychologist! I’d rather talk about my problems by email or some other way instead of face to face! How can I get my mother to calm down and stop being so…annoying?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

By all measure, there’s a lot going on here that might warrant the attention of a professional. You indicate you’re aware of the fact that your betrayal of your parents’ trust has prompted a lot of these “annoying” behaviors on their part. But you can take some comfort in the notion that at least you have parents who care enough about your behavior and your integrity of character to be unnerved by it. Some of their behavior does appear a little over-reactive and some appears inappropriate. That’s why counseling might be a very good idea, especially if the whole family participates.

Trust is one of the most valuable commodities in the world. As such, it must be earned. By working together with a trained professional you will likely be able to devise a program to help restore the trust you lost and gain some increased freedom and autonomy.