Reader’s Question

Wow! Your question and answer article “Is My Controlling and Manipulative Mother Punishing Me?” fits my mother to a tee. Reading the article was a real eye opener for me.

I’m 43 years old, and my mother still tells me every move she expects me to make. And if everything doesn’t happen exactly like she wants it to and when she wants it to, there is simply no peace. We all pay the price, including my children and my grandchild.

My mother is abusive, both physically and verbally. She constantly makes clear to me all she has done and all that she has paid for. She constantly reminds me of my failures. My family is now having to live under her control. My heart stays broken and I cry all the time, because I don’t want my children to have to live this way. Moving is not an option, because my home and my daughter’s home is on their land.

How can I protect my family from the verbal, physical and mental abuse of my controlling and manipulative mother?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You always have choices, even though it might not appear so. And choice is where you have power. You did not mention the circumstances that make it a “necessity” that you live on her land and subject yourself to abuse. And the likelihood is that at age 43 there’s a lot more to the story about why you’re still in a position of dependency. More than likely, it would be impossible to put all the responsibility for your dilemma on your mother.

The best way to protect yourself and your family from any kind of adverse circumstance is to insure that you have cultivated the resources to take good care of yourself and your children without having to depend on others who might not treat you with the utmost of respect. So, take the focus off your mother even as you set necessary limits with her. Rather, direct your attention to what you need to do to build and maintain a decent life of your own.