Reader’s Question

I have a couple of questions concerning job related burn-out and emotional detachment.

My wife recently completed an extremely demanding project that lasted 3-1/2 years. This project kept her away from home for several weeks at a time, particularly over the last year. For the last 2 years, she has had shown various signs of high stress and exhaustion, including disabling migraine headaches.

About 2 months ago, she started showing some unusual behaviors that led to what appears to be complete emotional detachment. She has indicated that she has lost all feelings for those closest to her (her parents, her siblings and myself), with the exception of her children, and she is desperately hanging on to her feelings toward them. She describes this loss of feeling as being “totally numb”. This has also caused her much anxiety since she now feels very confused about her life and what she needs to do to find balance again. Our relationship is pretty much on hold as she has not been able to express any emotions toward me. We are still communicating fairly well and trying to work together on this.

Now that her work project is over, she is very nervous and scared about coming home. Until the project was over, she was unable to directly address this problem. She is seeking professional help. She has also been given a 2 month leave from her job.

My questions are: Is emotional detachment a common symptom of extreme job burn-out? Does a person typically recover from emotional detachment? Can this condition become permanent? How does a person recover from this condition, and how long can it take? As a spouse, how can I best support my wife through this process? What are some of things I should be doing and not doing?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

There a number of possible explanations for what your wife and family are experiencing, and of course seeking professional assistance is the best course.

It’s not uncommon, however, for a person who’s been in a very demanding and stressful endeavor to suffer a marked change in the levels of certain essential body chemicals (e.g., hormone levels, certain neurotransmitters, etc.), and sometimes these biochemical changes can trigger disturbances of mood and affect (e.g., a chemical depression). Some of the common symptoms of depression include a loss of interest in things which were previously of interest, emotional blunting and withdrawal, and heightened levels of anxiety.

You can best support your wife by being patient, open to communication, and supportive of the plan recommended by the professional handling her care.

Another thing to consider is that when people invest themselves heavily in an enterprise, they sometimes become “attached” to other things (and even a bit despondent when such attachments are severed), and unless they have deliberately taken time to nurture past “attachments,” they can sometimes become unsure and confused about where their deepest and truest emotional attachments lie. So, there might be some other issues that both you and your wife will need to work through together as her treatment progresses.