Reader’s Question

Is it possible for someone to be going through something like a “young adult crisis?” I’m now in my mid-twenties, and I feel like I’m caught between being an adult and still being a child. The idea of growing up simply scares me.

I really want to go to college, but every time I think I know what I want to do with my life, I start coming up with other ideas and I only end up feeling confused and clueless. I waste away my leisure time playing video games, and I’m fascinated with toys. I have little desire to leave my house, meet people or get out and have some fun or go places.

On top of everything else, I have very childish emotional reactions to things and some very unrealistic expectations of myself. I don’t know what to do about it, and it is starting to depress me.

If you could give me any feedback, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Q: Actually, “fear of adulthood,” the phenomenon you describe, is not all that uncommon. Entering adulthood is scary and risky business to begin with, but it can be especially daunting for someone who might not have received all the preparation they needed during their childhood years.

Adulthood carries with it many scary tasks. Some of the more common adult tasks that are regarded with fear and trepidation by those just entering adulthood include:

The fear of making decisions

Adults are responsible for their own choices and the consequences of those choices. The prospect of this can be quite frightening to a young adult.

The fear of making mistakes

Young adults tend to fear that if they make errors in judgment the consequences will be catastrophic. They sometimes lack the confidence that they can learn and eventually profit from most mistakes.

The fear of rejection

Young adults often fear that they will be ridiculed or scorned by their peers if they demonstrate inadequacy or ineptness in various social or occupational endeavors.

All the above mentioned fears have their roots in deficient self-esteem. Some young persons are lacking in the confidence they need to function autonomously and independently, to take initiative, to make choices, and to learn from mistakes. Lacking in confidence, they generally fail to take the kind of action that can help them learn. As a result of this, fears only intensify.

The solution is to face the fear of adulthood head-on and to make encouraging self-statements to help bolster lagging self-esteem. Naturally, seeking the advice and support of a counselor might prove beneficial as well. With each challenge that is tackled, a stronger sense of self develops. Taking the slow and gradual approach is often the best way toward the eventual goal of mature functioning. So, instead of staying inside playing video games, take on a small challenge and praise yourself for the effort to do so. Do something similar every week or every other day. Experiment with making the tougher choices. Eventually, your sense of competence and confidence will increase.