Reader’s Question

I am a 15-year-old boy who came to the U.S. about 3 years ago. When I first came here, I was one of the students who participated the most. I would talk, share, and not care too much what anyone thought about me. However, when I started 9th grade, I was thrown into classes where I was the only one not fully fluent in English. I developed an extreme self-consciousness about my English because even though I know the language, I always think about what people will think about me if I’m not saying things right or using the correct pronunciation, etc. So now I have an extreme fear of public speaking. Whenever I have to talk in front of the class, my heart starts beating out of control, I start to breathe really fast, my hands and legs start shaking, and my voice gets shaky. Then I get embarrassed and get even more nervous, and I start looking at everyone and how they are staring at me. This has happened to me many times, and I always tell myself not to be like that, but I just have no control over it. It’s like an involuntary action I have no control over.

I’m not a shy person by nature. I’m outgoing and like having lots of friends. But the fear of public speaking is causing me lots of stress. I spend a lot of time thinking how not to be like this, but the results are nothing positive.

I’d really, really appreciate some help with this situation. It has gotten the better of me, and I want to stop it. Also any tips on how to not be nervous and stop the rapid heart beating when I go in front of the class?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

What you describe is a classic case of fearfulness we call a phobia. That’s because your anxiety is attached to a particular kind of situation that makes you feel fearful. When our bodies go into the fearful or protective mode, certain things happen fairly automatically. Our palms sweat. Our heart races. We tremble and shake. But that’s all because we sense some sort of “danger,” even in situations where better judgment would tell us no real danger exists.

The good news is that this fear response you’re having can be dealt with in a fairly straightforward and effective manner. I have written some prior articles on handling and managing anxiety and fears. There are also counselors who specialize in guiding people through proven techniques to manage their fear responses.

In the meantime, there are a few things you can do to start breaking that vicious cycle you mentioned about getting upset with yourself when you start to feel fearful, which only makes matters worse. First, you can prepare yourself for public speaking events by rehearsing in front of progressively larger audiences. Start purely in imagination, then progress to presenting to a few close friends, then a somewhat bigger audience, etc. Do this often, because each rehearsal reinforces a sense of calmness in you as you deliver your speech. Second, take a close look at some of the thoughts that race through your head before, during and after speaking. Take particular notice of the thoughts that are likely to fuel anxiety (e.g., “I’m going to do badly and they’re going to laugh at me,”) and replace those thoughts with more positive ones (e.g., “I’ll do just fine and anyway it’s perfectly okay to make a few mistakes”). Third, take notice of your physical manifestations of anxiety the moment they occur and dismiss them as harmless expressions of anxiety which will diminish if you don’t get worked up about having them. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, give yourself a big pat on the back for facing your fears directly and working to overcome them.

There are many other proven methods to help you overcome your fear of public speaking. With a little time and practice, you can rid yourself of the symptoms you dislike so much and restore a sense of confidence.