Reader’s Question

My husband seems to have a special friendship with one particular female co-worker. When I step away, they wind up together. They always make long eye contact when they separate from each other. This person also treats me coldly and will not speak to my husband if I am standing with him.

Most of my husband’s friends are also great friends with me. I have told my husband how awkward this whole thing feels, but he only says that he loves me and that this woman is simply jealous of our great relationship (I do think we have a great relationship).

How should I act in social situations with this woman? I do not want to get crazy about this, but it truly bugs me.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Let’s re-examine some facts that you report. You say your husband is aware this woman is jealous and treats you coldly, yet they spend time together, and as opposed to maintaining simply cordial work relations, they enjoy a “special friendship” and exchange glances with one another. You also say that this woman’s behavior is out of character with that of the behavior of all your other husband’s friends and co-workers.

While it’s impossible to assess your situation remotely and only on the basis of the information you’ve provided, the things you report do suggest it’s in your best interest to have a serious meeting of the hearts and minds with your husband. If he doesn’t show proper sensitivity to the issue and isn’t willing to set and enforce reasonable limits and boundaries in his interactions with a woman he knows is jealous of you, perhaps your relationship isn’t on as “great” a footing as you have been assuming.