Reader’s Question

We have a smart, handsome 20-year-old grandson, a sophomore in college who is not able to control his temper. He is obviously jealous of his 19-year-old brother who is a freshman in college, “does everything right,” has many friends, and can control money. The 20-year-old cannot control his money, has few friends (the friends he has do not attend the same school), and his grades are dropping.

We are never at peace when this young man is home. He berates his mother and father and calls them names. He shows respect to his grandfather and to me, but not to his parents. He was accepted at West Point but came home after a few weeks. He was diagnosed as clinically depressed at that time and was given medication; but he said it upset his stomach, so he discontinued taking it.

We have noticed if he eats properly and gets enough sleep (neither of these usually happens at school), he is in a good mood. We also noticed soft drinks like cola can set him off, as they have ever since he was a small child.

He is a precious and charming young man with good manners, generally. Any suggestions about what we can do to help him would be appreciated.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Sometimes, erratic behaviors, impulse control problems, and outbursts can be a sign of an underlying mood disturbance. Encourage your grandson to stay in treatment and to follow the advice of the clinician with whom he is working. Also, pay much less attention to this young man’s natural attributes (e.g., his intelligence, charm, and appearance), and don’t compare him to his siblings. Rather, focus attention, encouragement, and praise on the efforts he makes to build a quality life for himself, gain mastery over his impulses, and enrich the life of others.