Reader’s Question

We have a very difficult problem. My mom has both her adult children living at home. I am 26, have a community college education, and have worked in a factory since 1999. I stay at home to help my mother, primarily for fear that my younger brother — who suffered a brain injury and has become very much like a child — may hurt her badly.

My brother was once as normal as one could be, and he remembers that fact, which might be contributing to all the anger he has built up. He will not mess with me, but he hurts my mother and will not listen to me either when I tell him to stop causing her physical harm. He does not strike her but grabs her and also sometimes lies on top of her, smushing her. I do not try to restrain him physically because he has epilepsy, and the last two times after I tried restraining him he ended up having a seizure.

My mom is 42 years old and obese. She works 40 hours a week at a medical clinic and struggles just to get by. My brother shows no appreciation for the effort my mom has made to care for him. His behavior is like he is possessed by a demon, and he will laugh uncontrollably when he acts up; it pisses me off to no end when I know she is suffering. The situation is making me so angry that I fear I might have to leave just to keep from getting in trouble with the law.

Neurologists have seen him, and doctors have prescribed a cocktail of different drugs. They don’t help very much. From my point of view, he does great when he can go out and work on a farm helping with things of that sort. He would not last long if he were confined in any way, nor would he ever agree to have any kind of counsel. He has mentioned that there are two entities fighting for him, pointing one finger to the sky and one to the ground. This brain injury has crippled my family. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Caring for individuals with brain injuries can indeed be a daunting task, and good comprehensive care most often involves much more than just medication. Whether your brother would resist it or not, the family is going to need some professional assistance managing his care. And because such conditions necessarily affect the whole family, everyone can benefit. So the important thing to do is to secure the right kind of comprehensive counseling and to set some firm limits and expectations with regard to your brother’s compliance with care.