Reader’s Question

A relative of mine is 62 years old. She lives a relatively lonely life in an unhappy marriage. Her husband goes to sleep very early, and she and her husband sleep in separate bedrooms.

This woman has always had a problem with her sleep patterns. She goes to bed very late, has problems getting to sleep, and sleeps in very late as well. Over the past few years, however, she has also started watching movies at night to feel less alone (the sounds and the distractions make the house feel less empty) and to “put herself to sleep.”

Several of us family members are concerned because she watches the same movies over and over again. She will literally watch the same DVD every night for months until it wears out, and then she will buy a new copy of the same movie. She says that the familiarity with the dialogue and music help her fall asleep. She knows all of the words and scenes of these movies by heart. Often she watches the whole movie through and will watch again if she hasn’t managed to fall asleep.

We are concerned that this behavior can’t be good for her from a mental standpoint. It seems very limiting and depressing instead of mind-expanding and interesting. I have noticed that she seems to be more self-absorbed than in the past, and we don’t connect nearly as much in conversation. She can have a one-way conversation about whatever interests her and does not respond very much to verbal cues from other people (for example if the listener is not interested or tries to change the subject).

Do you think we should be concerned? I have tried mentioning this to her in the past, and she was very defensive, saying how sad and lonely the house is and that I can’t possibly understand. I asked if she could be depressed, and she responded (with a smile) that she makes the best of her situation. I am really concerned that her world is going to get smaller and smaller as more and more of her mind is taken up with conversations and drama that aren’t even real. Is there any psychological research that would show that this type of behavior could have adverse effects?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

There are a number of possible factors involved in this woman’s behavior. She could simply be employing a coping mechanism that although not optimal, appears to work for her. However, it’s also possible that her engaging in repetitive, familiar behaviors, increased withdrawal, and apparent depression are signs of more serious mental conditions, including possible cognitive decline. And if cognitive decline is indeed taking place, you are correct to assume that her narrowly-focused activities are not helping matters.

It would be best to encourage this woman to be evaluated by a mental health professional, preferably one with special training in issues affecting the elderly. Although she might be resistant, encourage her with love and support, faulting her not for her behavior but displaying empathy for her plight and the desire to help her improve the quality of her life.