Why Does He Speak to Me as a Plural ‘We’?
Reader’s Question
There is a man, whom I am interested in, who is an outside contractor for my employer. When he greets me over the telephone, he will say “Hi, how are we today?” Why not, “Hi, how are YOU?” Is it possible that he’s trying to distance himself? Is he thinking possibly of us as together earlier and now is saying so? He’s very smart, and I notice when he smiles at me it’s almost like he has an aura about him (this is my perception of course). But my question is why doesn’t he say “How are YOU??” Should I be concerned? Or is that just what men do? Why does he not acknowledge me as an individual? If he says, “Hi, how are we?” to everyone, what is that? Any information you have about this would be greatly appreciated.
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
You want to know if this man you are interested in romantically is treating you like an appendage of himself — or if he addresses everyone with whom he has contact as “We”. It seems to me that from what you describe, you may be infusing his glances and greetings with a bit more meaning than is intended. If someone addresses one with a “How are we today?” greeting, it seems more along the lines of something a nurse would ask a convalescing patient than a slap in the face to the entire Women’s Movement up to the present. Since you did not mention whether you two have ever dated, or even exchanged anything more than the salutations one would expect from a business associate, I have to presume that this man may be unaware of your underlying attraction to him. Perhaps you would be better served to let this man know that you are interested in getting to know him a bit more personally, than to question the implications of his word choices. By being a little more apparent in your desire to get to know him, you could move this whole exchange into the light of day. Naturally, your employer may not appreciate your having a romantic liaison with a contractor, but if you are this attracted to him, you may as well see where it can lead.
