I Want to Divorce My Suicidal Wife and Mother of Our Children
Reader’s Question
My wife is from the Philippines, and we’ve been legally married since 2007. We’ve been involved since 2002. We have two boys, ages four and fifteen months. We are both 42.
My wife has tried to commit suicide, and the last attempt brought her into hospital. She had her stomach pumped. She has attempted the same thing so many times in the past, and each time she says it won’t happen again. The first time she tried to swallow loads of pills and tried to cut her wrists; she has broken my heart, and my will to love her has waned. After several attempts of the same behavior, I want to divorce her. I have had an affair because I wanted to. I wanted to because I needed the attention that I wasn’t getting. I am afraid if I tell my wife of the affair or ask her for a divorce, as she will surely kill herself. What should I do?
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
Your wife has made numerous attempts to take her life, all unsuccessfully, thank goodness. This kind of behavior causes damaging, negative effects. Without a doubt, it seems reasonable that your affections might withdraw from her with each successive suicide attempt. Professionals involved in the process of her hospitalizations may be quick to label these suicidal tendencies as “cries for help”. The bottom line, though, is that you have pulled so far back from her that you have had an affair with another woman, because you wanted to. You have two young children, and they deserve to have a life that does not include serial suicide attempts by their mother. I would think that after having been hospitalized, your wife was given a diagnosis and medications to treat her apparent mental illness. Her mental health is not your responsibility, but you do have a responsibility to your children.
You say that you want to divorce your wife. You say that you are afraid to tell your wife of your desire to leave for fear that she will try to kill herself. This is such an emotionally unhealthy environment. You deserve to be happy, and it’s clear that you are not happy living with a woman who is so emotionally unbalanced that she see-saws on suicidal ideation. My advice is this: make an appointment for the two of you to see a marriage counsellor for processing your desire to divorce. Perhaps your wife needs to be under more psychiatric care than she has been up until this point. Your responsibility is to your children and yourself, while your wife seems to be in dire need of more strenuous mental health care.
