Reader’s Question

At 49, it seems a little late to be where I am — but here I am. I’ve always been interested in psychology but when, at 40, I had an affair, my interest in psychology took on a new impetus. How could a guy like me, who had it all, do so much damage to others and myself? What a mess. I just had to find out how and why I behaved the way I did, and I had to find a reason/excuse that I could live with.

My general interest in psychology grew, but I realised that I was the main focus of my study. Before long I found myself completing self-assessment tests, many of them, hoping for some answers, and I became consumed with the search for my identity. The surface reason was to try and establish who I really was/am and what direction in life would suit me better. Or, was I/am just looking for another identity, ashamed of my own? I didn’t know. Job satisfaction was seen as somewhat superficial when I left school and according to the norms, I did what I thought was expected of me. Looking back, engineering was the wrong direction. I now realise that.

I’ve done many of these personality tests, many of them more than twice, and I know it’s obsessive, but I’ve got to sort this out. Carl Jung’s profiling is the most frustrating because, depending on my mind set, it changes.

Someone once said to me that “being rounded was an important part of personal development” but personally I feel cursed by it. The problem is, I’m so down the middle with Jung’s INTP, ESTJ, etc. that I don’t really fit cleanly into any category. Perhaps I’m being too idealistic, but it’s driving me crazy and I need some help with it. The tests would appear to suggest that I’m in the middle, apart from being strongly intuitive, on all traits. I’m on the fence about almost everything because to me there is no right or wrong; no left or right; and no one person is ever completely to blame. The only thing that’s polarised is my head.

Ironically, I think/feel that this traitlessness might actually be useful as a counselor/Psychotherapist and such a career is a strong possibility for me. I’ve actually taken steps towards this now, so we’ll see what happens, but I’ve got to get myself sorted out before I can be of any real use to others.

Your comments please?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Your interest in psychology is something that springs from a desire to understand your own self a little better, it seems. When people learn that I or my colleagues are in the business of psychology, they often perk up and explain that psychology was their favorite subject in college. Naturally, I agree with them. Personally, I find the workings of the human mind a most interesting topic, to which devoting one’s life makes perfect sense! It is also, usually, at this point when the fellow who is explaining his love of psychology tells me that he KNOWS he ought to have become a psychologist because “everyone goes to him for advice”. I smile and nod.

It is understandable that you would feel frustration at receiving variable responses from Carl Jung’s “psychological type” test, the Enneagram Test. This is the thing with people, it is difficult to place them in tidy categories for our convenience and comprehension. Sure, you will find a general alignment with these kinds of assessments: an outgoing person will clearly be more likely to score higher on extroversion, while her quiet, shy sister may score high on introversion. But there is much more to be understood about mankind in general, and yourself in particular.

I feel excited for you, because I believe that you are ripe to launch a journey into yourself by getting started in some deep psychotherapy. And although the fashion these days is not in favor of “good old Freudian-style analysis” you may want to investigate what some of the more neo-Freudian therapists have to offer.

You mentioned that your interest in the field took off after having had an affair which devastated your personal life. There are those in the Transpersonal psychology sector who maintain it could be you were trying to understand the anima within you, hence the “other woman”. You may enjoy insight along those lines. Honestly, I am thrilled for you to begin a new chapter of your life that may have self awareness and insight, coupled with psychological erudition, as its cornerstones! Go forth on your journey of greater self discovery, and if you feel like pursuing this most satisfying of careers, I give you my blessing!