Reader’s Question

There’s this guy I really like. The problem is that he is always acting bitchy with my friends and sometimes with me. He is also hanging out with a really mean crew.

One day I was really upset, and while I was chatting online he started talking to me. This was a surprise because I’m always the one to start conversations with him. He wanted to start a video call, but I didn’t want to, so I communicated offline.

I think this guy is a player. What should I do?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You indicate that you have some significant reservations about this guy because you suspect he is a “player,” he hangs with a very mean crowd, and acts in an abrasive manner. You also indicate, however, that you are the one who most often initiates contact with him and that you “really like” him. You don’t indicate what the “attraction” is, however. You might be drawn to him from a purely physical standpoint. Or, it might be that you actually find his “bad boy” image attractive. In the end, however, you will likely get exactly the relationship you seek. You have to decide what it is you’re really looking for here and what prices you’re willing to pay or principles you might be willing to sacrifice to have it.