Will He Change After We Marry?
Reader’s Question
I have been in love with a man for the past 5 years, and we are going to get married next month. But there is one problem we have. He does not like the way I dress when I dress up. He is always saying things like I should not show my skin like other girls do. He also says friends make comments about how the other girls dress, and he doesn’t want them to make the same comments about me.
I usually wear dresses that are decent and in line with our culture. Still, he will always find something about my outfit that he considers too revealing and we will start fighting.
Is it possible that things will change for the better after we’re married, or will things only get worse?
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
Standards of decency, especially for women, vary considerably from culture to culture. Cultures also vary with respect to how common it is for men to dominate in relationships and to exhibit varying degrees of possessiveness and ownership with respect to their spouses.
Your question, however, seems to center primarily around whether you might be able to hope for some improvement in your sense of freedom to set your own standards of decency without incurring the disfavor of your mate once you are married. This is unlikely to be the case. In fact, it is much more likely that any sense of possessiveness or dominance will only increase once you forge a lifetime commitment with this man.
If you are having reservations, now is the time to give them serious consideration.
