Trying to Repair Relationships with Five Lost Friends
Reader’s Question
I am a 19-year-old boy who lives in Toronto. A while back some things happened between my five close friends and me that pushed us apart. My friends thought me condescending and rude when these things happened, though I never meant to be insulting. After weeks of being pushed away by them and feeling like they actually meant to be insulting to me, I sent a note to say our friendship was over forever. My note was somehow perceived as a suicide note, and they asked me to commit to seeing a psychologist. Just to see their reaction, I lied and said I had visited one. Believing me, they dropped me and wiped their hands of our friendship. Now, they refuse to be a part of my life, and at this point I feel like I have invested too much just to be dismissed like this.
What can I do when they refuse to look at me, or talk to me? We all live in a college residence, and I leave my door open for them to come in, but my room has been empty for the past month. At this point I would like to rebuild some bridges, but I feel like it is too much of an impossible task.
Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply
True friendships are built on trust. And it seems that there’s been enough trust betrayal on all sides to damage your relationships.
Trust is not simply, easily, or quickly rebuilt. It takes time, effort, and commitment (especially to being genuine) to rebuild damaged relationships or to build the kinds of new relationships that are meaningful and will last. Working out your issues with a psychologist or other counselor or therapist can also be of help. But in the end, the kind of friendships you can count on in your life will be the ones that you build with care, genuineness, and trust.
