Reader’s Question

My question is basically whether I should divorce my husband. We have been together for 6.5 years and have a daughter age 4. I’ve not been not happy with him for awhile. He’s a very nice person, though, and a great father. Sure, we’ve had little problems here and there but nothing big. And what couple doesn’t have problems? But I feel like we don’t have any common interests, and there’s nothing for us to talk about. I’m also not sexually attracted to him anymore, so when we spend time together it’s not really fun for me.

I’ve been feeling like this for the last several years. I’ve tried to work things out and to make our life more interesting. But now I feel like I don’t want to try anymore. I’m done! But when I decided it would be best to leave, I started thinking about everything else and I felt bad for him and bad for my daughter. Even my mom is against it because I’m breaking up a marriage because of some selfish need on my part.

It seems like I’m doing an awful thing. I feel lost and no longer sure what to do. Do I do what I think is best for me, or what’s best for everyone else? I don’t have any desire to work things out anymore. I can make a living on my own. What should I do?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Ending a relationship with a “good man” for purely selfish reasons is no doubt unhealthy. But remaining in a relationship purely out of a sense of obligation also has its costs. There are many reasons a person can find themselves unhappy in a marriage. And if they don’t fully reckon with those reasons, they’re most likely to repeat mistakes in future relationships. You might be “done” with trying to spice up your marriage, but you owe it to yourself to know exactly what’s going on with you and how much of it has to do with healthy as opposed to unhealthy reasons. It would probably be a good idea to visit with a counselor to sort through the issues.