Reader’s Question

For a majority of my life (of seventeen years) I have felt relatively normal. I loved my family, I had friends; I lived, loved, and laughed. However, in recent years (beginning about two years ago) I seem to have changed. I do not know exactly how or when, but I feel as if I’ve become increasingly disconnected (that’s how I’ll refer to it, because frankly I don’t know how else I can describe it).

All the people I used to love and feel connected to now seem more as strangers. It’s not like I don’t appreciate what they do for me, but I cannot seem to muster up any deep feeling or sense of connection to them anymore. It isn’t limited to my family either. The disconnection feeling extends to friends, strangers, teachers, society, politics, religions, etc. It’s like I’m a third person observer to the world. All the buzz and hum of things is interesting, even fascinating. But fascinating in the way a biologist observes an ecosystem.

• I am not entirely sure if more information will even help but here’s some other things about me:
• I am usually considered to be fairly smart.
• I do well in mathematics, science, English, and foreign languages.
• I am introverted.
• In less recent years (about four to five years ago) I have become more pessimistic, as opposed to my extremely optimistic past self.
• State: Oregon, USA
• I enjoy learning new information. I find discovering new concepts and ideas and putting them together in interesting ways bizarrely interesting. This only recently began with the disconnection thing.

But I don’t want to go back. When I think about the way I was previously, I nearly shudder. It felt as if I was in a fog, just stumbling through life. Now I feel a razor sharp clarity in many things I do. There is one particular person I would like to actually attempt to get closer to, but whenever I attempt to do so, I freeze up. I don’t know if this is a healthy way to go about things. I don’t even know if this disconnection I’m feeling is common. So any advice would be well received.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You report that you know yourself to be an introvert. And as such, you might find yourself often immersed in the world of concepts, ideas, values, and creative possibilities as opposed to involved in interpersonal connections. But we live in a predominantly extroverted world, so it’s not uncommon for an introvert to feel somewhat alienated and detached as well as sometimes a bit pessimistic.

You might want to consider visiting with a counselor, not so much to uncover what’s “wrong” with you, but to become more fully aware of yourself and accepting of the unique aspects of your personality that might present some challenges for you in securing and maintaining your interpersonal relationships.