Reader’s Question

Do you think I am turning into a crazy old hermit? I am 67 years old. I have been hurt all my life by others, including suffering sexual abuse by my father and brother. I also had a terrible first marriage to a man who loved chasing other women more than he loved me.

I have learned that the only one I can really depend upon is God, and I prefer to give my love to Him as well as my pets. I am married for the second time and my husband is kinda mean to me sometimes, especially if I do something like leave a water hose trickling or forget to put something up in the yard. We have become more like brother and sister since my husband has lost sexual interest (we are both in our 60s). I spend all my time alone in my swimming pool in the summer and painting and doing other crafts in winter. I have a daughter, but her life is so full she seldom visits. I’m pretty much alone now except when I attend church, where I teach the adult class on Sundays.

The strange thing is, I have grown to prefer things the way they are now. Being alone, I don’t get hurt and I don’t get yelled at for making little mistakes. Am I truly losing my mind or am I just enjoying God and the flowers and blue sky more than the people who hurt me?

I really need an objective opinion because this is truly worrying me and making me wonder if I am losing my mind. If you feel I need professional help, I will seek it.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

The most important thing to consider is how you feel about your circumstances. You seem to be reporting that although isolating yourself has made life less painful for you, and although you find consolation in your church activities, you aren’t really feeling emotionally fulfilled or happy. That would certainly warrant some exploration with a counselor or therapist.

Trauma survivors are notorious for finding innovative and effective ways to cope with pain, especially pain in relationships. It’s what helps them survive. But as you have probably learned over these many years, life is more than just surviving. So, what the heck, why not give counseling a try? Choosing to do so certainly isn’t a tacit admission that you’re losing your mind. On the contrary, it can be a vehicle for an already healthy you to come to an even greater awareness of the things you need to resolve to have a happier, richer life.