Reader’s Question

In every family there’s a black sheep. In mine, it’s me, but it’s not because I’m a bad person. It’s because ever since I can remember, I’ve been considered crazy. My parents’ oldest threat, to keep me from misbehaving when I was a kid, was “be good or we’ll commit you to a mental institution”.

Hearing this time and again affects children, as you can imagine. Today I’m 36 years old, and I’m still considered the crazy one. I’m not trusted by anyone, and I mean ANYONE, in the family, no matter what I do to try to gain their trust or to prove that I’m not crazy. Their reaction towards me is the same people have when we’re at the circus and the clowns come in.

What can I do to get them to trust me? How can I behave to get them to stop?

Telling them doesn’t work, I’ve tried. They don’t believe a word I say.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

I notice that your question is all about them, not about yourself. At 36 years old, it is very important to you that they perceive you as a responsible, sane adult. OK, let’s look at that.

When someone does not respect your point of view, then you are not going to be able to reason them out of it. You need to get their attention before they can listen to you. How to do that? Bring in an expert. Find a licensed clinical psychologist in your area and ask her to perform a formal psychological evaluation. After a day’s work with you, she’ll write a 4-8 page report that describes you, offers a diagnosis if there is one, and recommends a course of treatment if needed. Then you will have something solid to work with.

By the way, ‘crazy’ is not a mental health diagnosis. That word appears nowhere in the diagnostic manual. It is a word used to blame and intimidate. If we’re going to talk about mental health, then let’s use the right words and talk about it in a way that is helpful to each other.