Reader’s Question

My problem is that I feel terrible since my ex has a new girlfriend, and I don’t even want him back. How do I make it stop? It’s been a month now and I just can’t keep on feeling like this.

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

We should talk about problem ownership. Who owns this problem, you, your ex, or the two of you as a couple? It seems like this problem belongs completely to you. He has moved on.

I encourage you not to waste the pain. On one hand, It has only been a month. Feeling bad about a break-up after so short a time only means that you care. On the other hand, you needn’t suffer this alone. Maybe there is something here that you can learn about yourself. To help you explore that last query in a personal and confidential way, find a therapist whom you can work with, and then dive into this issue headfirst.