Reader’s Question

I am 30 years old and I need your opinion. I have been facing the following conditions continuously for the last two years.

• Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day
• Body feels heavy / muscle tension / cramps
• Increased need for sleep / excessive sleep
• Feel emptiness / loneliness / unhappiness
• Inability to feel enjoyment in aspects of life
• Loss of interest and enjoyment in almost all activities
• Uncomfortable in social situations / unable to enjoy myself in public
• Emotional discomfort when approaching or being approached by people
• Stress and discomfort around being the center of attention
• Increased desire to be alone
• Less likely to get married and pursue career
• Low moods and self-esteem
• Negative thinking / inability to control negative thought
• Too sensitive / sensitivity to rejection
• Difficulty in making decisions

I am not suffering from any physical disease (i.e., diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problem, cancer, etc).

What is my actual problem? What should I do? Is there any medication for me to treat these problems?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Although I cannot offer a diagnosis, from the list of symptoms you gave, it sounds like you could be suffering from depression. People who are depressed often experience changes in sleep and appetite, are tired, think negative thoughts and lose interest and enjoyment in activities. Your list highlights all of these and more.

Being depressed does hinder decision-making, but two years seems like an awfully long time to be living with the symptoms you described without finding out what you have. So I’m wondering if there may be something else going on with you. For some people, depression can serve as a way to avoid a particular outcome. In your case, it may be that these symptoms are preventing you from doing things you’d rather not do.

In the middle of your catalog of symptoms, you listed several things about being uncomfortable around people, wanting to be alone, and not being likely to get married or pursue a career. You also mentioned being sensitive to rejection. Given these things and your age, I’m wondering if you are having difficulty with the transition from young person to adult. In the United States, our cultural narrative dictates that we should figure out our romantic and vocational futures by the time we’re 30 years old. For those who have trouble with this or have different timelines, these expectations can be stifling and can lead to depression. This may not be an issue for you but it’s at least worth considering.

The good news about depression is that it is highly treatable in a variety of ways. Behaviorally, a cure for depression can be action. This means that you force yourself to do some of the things you don’t want to do and not rest on your laurels. There are a lot of cognitive-behavioral techniques that can help with combating negative thoughts and behaviors. These can be learned with the help of a mental health professional or, if you are highly motivated, with the aid of workbooks and good websites. Yes, there is medication for depression but I always recommend that it is used as a last resort. There’s no reason to risk side effects if you can alleviate symptoms using an easier way.

Whatever you decide to do, I encourage you to seek your answer soon. Two years is a long time to suffer especially when help is available. If depression has been your way of coping, then maybe it’s time to find a more positive way. It may be painful at first but at least there is the chance of a happier outcome.