Problems With Exhibitionism

Reader’s Question

I am a working executive aged 30 years. I am recently married and my wife is also employed. I have a problem which has been tormenting me for years. I like showing off my private parts to young girls. I derive some sought of pleasure when girls see my private parts and giggle or are shocked. I started this habit when I was almost 15 years of age and it still continues.

Because of this I am unable to focus completely on my job as most of my work hours I spend sitting in my car with my pants down and waiting for the young girls from the near by college to pass by my car. Some of them giggle, some of them are shocked and some curse me. I have been trying to get rid of this habit but in vain. Now I have shown my private parts to almost 100 girls in the nearby colleges, schools and houses. Please help me come out of this.

I have had an incident in childhood which might have something to do with this habit of mine. My sister used to play with my private parts when I was about 6 to 8 years of age. She was at that time about 14 years of age. Now she is married, has kids and we never feel uncomfortable meeting each other and interacting. But we never talk about this. Once I had called her up and had told her that I remember all those incidents that have happened in our childhood and I forgive her that.

I have always maintained distance from girls. I had no good friends among girls. I was always afraid of girls. I am still not comfortable sitting with girls. The only time when I am comfortable is when my pants are down and girls are laughing. My wife doesn’t know about this habit of mine and it will be very difficult if somebody gets to know.

Psychologist’s Reply

Your behavior is called Exhibitionism. It is considered a sexual disorder in the field of psychiatry and psychology. In the community — it is considered a criminal act. If you are unable to focus on your job due to your preoccupation with this behavior, then it has become obsessive and compulsive in nature. This is very serious and if the behavior continues, you will eventually lose your job and face criminal prosecution in your court system. You are also likely to lose your marriage. From a legal standpoint, the courts don’t care where this behavior came from and there is no defense or excuse that is acceptable. You may be arrested very soon as you obviously don’t grasp the seriousness of your criminal offense. If arrested, you may be labeled as a sexual offender in your community.

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From your description, you have experienced problems with uneven maturity and development. While you have matured as a business executive — you are exhibiting what we often call psychosexual immaturity. You are still relating to females at the level of a 12- to 14-year-old teenage adolescent. You should notice that you refer to college women as “girls”. These women can have you arrested for your behavior. This one area of your development and immaturity is also creating your view that the exhibitionism is somewhat of a prank that produces giggles and laughter. It’s just the total opposite. This is very dangerous behavior and can result in your being assaulted by adult male boyfriends or other men on the college campus. Exhibitionists are often physically assaulted by bystanders before the police arrive. While “flashing” and “mooning” behavior is cute at age 14 — it’s a criminal sexual offense when you’re 30 years old.

I would recommend immediately consulting with a psychiatrist or psychologist, especially those who have experience treating sexual offenders. There are treatments and programs available for exhibitionism. I highly recommend that you stop this behavior as it’s only a matter of time before your lifestyle will be destroyed by this immature sexual offending. I may sound harsh and rude in my approach to this issue — but I’ll assure you I’m being easy on you compared to how you would be treated by the police, the courts or worse yet — men who know and care about the women you have sexually offended.

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