Should I Sacrifice My Life to Help My Father?

Reader’s Question

I need your advice on my current situation of depression. I am these days unemployed and about to join a new job soon. I am hearing from all my friends that I should join the business of my father instead of doing the job. I should help him instead as we both belong to the same discipline.

My problem is that during childhood, I had a bad time at home with my father. He used to scold me and refused to talk to me for months. This has produced a distance between both of us since then. We have different priorities in life and different views of life.

I am under heavy depression facing this problem now. I wish to lead an independent life away from my father and his business, yet I feel ashamed when everyone asks why I am not helping my father as he is an old man. Also I have soft feelings for my father as he has brought me up and I wish I could help him in some way.

Should I sacrifice my life to help my father? Will that bring happiness in my life or should I live my life away independently? My dad won’t mind if I work somewhere else. He wishes to see me happy and successful. Where does a son stand if his father owns a business in an old age?

Psychologist’s Reply

I think the key is found in your comment “My Dad won’t mind if I work somewhere else”. Many family businesses are not all-family businesses; that is, a business developed by Grandfather, then Father is not the career of choice for sons and daughters. Your Dad may understand this in your case. If he has given you his blessing, I’d move to your new job.

As the son of a businessman, you will be receiving those typical comments such as “Why aren’t you in the family business?” or “Why aren’t you helping him?” You need to develop a “press release” for those questions — something you say each time when asked about Dad and the business. Keep in mind that having your own career doesn’t mean that you and your father have stopped talking. You can still help him in his business (and he in yours) by providing consultation, talking about business issues, providing some backup coverage if he’s ill, etc. When people ask about your involvement in the family business, you might say something like “Dad and I are in the same business so we help each other out and keep in close contact.” As your Dad is older now, family and friends are concerned that Dad has no help or support. You can assure them that you are providing Dad with that help and support although you have selected a different career path. Using this strategy will allow you to have an independent career and business as well as provide help and support to your aging father.

Please read our Important Disclaimer.

All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals. Originally published by on and last reviewed or updated by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on .

Ask the Psychologist provides direct access to qualified clinical psychologists ready to answer your questions. It is overseen by the same international advisory board of distinguished academic faculty and mental health professionals — with decades of clinical and research experience in the US, UK and Europe — that delivers CounsellingResource.com, providing peer-reviewed mental health information you can trust. Our material is not intended as a substitute for direct consultation with a qualified mental health professional. CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation.

Copyright © 2024.